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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why I Hate My Scale

One year post op gastric bypass and five years post op are two very different animals. One thing that I LOVED my first year out was my scale. It was my best friend. It gave me validation practically every day as I would get on and the numbers get smaller and smaller. It was a thrill to step on. It was an amazing feeling to know that I was in the next ten pound range. What an amazing feeling. When I got to ONEderland (out of the 200 lb range), I practically wanted to kiss the scale. My goodness how much I anticipated that love affair with the scale! Along with the compliments from friends and family, it made me feel like a million bucks almost every day. And then new clothing sizes! Can you say: HIGH!! Who neededs alcohol or drugs when you have the scale, compliments and a size medium? They are the "crack" of weight loss.

But then after a year or two, the scale stops. No more validations. Compliments eventually stop coming. You stop and you stay the same (called maintenance) and there's no more new sizes, no more new numbers, no more rewards).

Then temptation starts, food calls out to you more and more and ta-da, as quick as an instant, the scale can start to creep up again.

That's the 2-3 years out range that it happened for me. Gosh, that was a hard year!! All of a sudden I didn't like the scale. If it was down one day, I'd be happy, excited and thinking "yay I'm doing great" but then the next day, it could be up two pounds for no particular reason.

I'd want to weep. I'm not kidding. I'd want to cry. What did I do? I didn't eat anything different. I exercised and did everything right. WHY WHY WHY?

Realistically, the scale does this especially being out a long time. Take for instance, yesterday when I ate very healthy and exercised. Here's my day in recap:

Breakfast: Veggie Omelette with low fat cheese, 1 piece toast, light becel
Lunch: leftover cabbage casserole (1 cup).
Dinner: Piece of pork chop (deck of cards size, 1 small ear of corn, 1 tbp butter, 1/4 cup of potato salad).
Snack: apples and 22 almonds.
Exercise: Walked 10 miles.

Pretty good day. Eating was fairly good - even the potato salad (made by my mother in law) was "low cal, no salt and "healthfied" as much as possible). And those 10 miles - c'mon on!!

Yet, I'm up a half of a pound today.

What power that little scale has over me. It made me feel totally worthless this morning as I was sure I'd have a loss and I was up. So automatically the thought/mindset does this:

"Those 10 miles weren't worth it".

"Why bother watching what I'm eating if I'm just going to gain anyway. I should have had the chips (or chocolate or whatever I am craving at the time).

The scale is no longer my friend. It beats me up. It validates if I'm doing a good job (even if I just happen lose despite eating poorly) or if kicks me in the rear when I don't see the results I want. It either starts my day feeling like a million bucks (if I'm down) or feeling like a dog's breakfast (if I'm up on the scale).

I hate it. I love it.


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